In this day and age of self help there’s no shortage of information on how to strengthen your relationship with your significant other, your family, boss, or coworkers. However, you never hear about how to have a more productive relationship with yourself.
Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have! I like to think in terms of the conscious “self” and the higher “Self.” Most of the trouble you have with your “self” is that you don’t know your “Self” well.
You may have spent most of your life avoiding yourself. We don’t want to address our shortcomings or deal with uncomfortable thoughts. But you can’t escape yourself, so you might as well make friends. In fact, think of this primary relationship with between self and Self as a divine marriage.
Try these techniques to develop a stronger relationship with yourself:
- Start your day with gratitude and positive thoughts. Instead of reaching over for your cell phone to check the weather or to see how many likes you got on facebook, spend the time on yourself. Mentally list a few things that make you grateful for your life and grateful to be alive. Tell yourself something positive.
- Set your Intention for a good day.
- List your positive qualities.
- Spend extra time with self care
- Write in a journal. Your thoughts and life are worth recording. Take time each evening to write for a few minutes. You’ll gain a lot of insight and appreciation for your life. By putting your thoughts on paper you can go back and reflect. I promise after several weeks of mindful journaling you will be able to look back and notice remarkable change and openings in your life. Show yourself that your life matters and that you can create the life you desire.
- Let go of your avoidance behaviors. What do you do when you’re feeling emotionally under the weather? Shop? Eat? Get online? Instead of avoiding yourself, sit with yourself. Play music. Create art. Find a way to express instead of avoid.
- Just breathe and notice your feelings and body sensations. Avoiding them just prolongs the cycle. Give yourself permission to dive deeply into the emotions. Set a timer if you are afraid of losing yourself. When come up for air you will bring back insights and solutions you had not considered.
- In time, your negative emotions will dissipate without your attempts to hide from them. Stay with the emotion until you find the pearl of wisdom.
- Meditate. Think of meditation as spending quality time with yourself. Begin with just a few minutes and extend the time as you feel more comfortable. Add deep breathing, mindfulness and intentionality to daily activities you already do like showering. You’ll learn how your mind works by meditating. By adding small exercises to your daily routine you will increase your odds for success.
- Spend time on your personal development. What do you feel the need to learn?
- Social skills?
- Relaxation skills?
- Networking or Public Speaking?
- Spiritual development?
- You spend so much time doing things for your boss, home, and family. Take a break and spend some time dealing with your own needs.
- Have some fun. Plan some fun in your life. Make your meditation practice fun. Get a monthly massage or meet a friend for ballroom dance lessons. Plan a game night with your favorite people. It’s your life. Enjoy it.
- Forgive yourself. You’ve made a few mistakes and missed out on a few sure-fire opportunities. Join the Club! That’s no reason to beat yourself up for the rest of your life. It’s time to let go of your past and forge ahead. Every obstacle in an opportunity for growth and expansion. Let go of judgement and comparisons.
- Groom yourself to a high standard. Take the time to shower each day and pay a regular visit to the salon. Self Care is essential to a good relationship with yourself. Take pride in the image you project in the world. Keep your grooming at a higher standard than others in your environment.
- Take good care of yourself and show the world how much you mean to yourself.
- Get help if you need it. No one can handle everything all of the time. Sooner or later, we all need help. That help may come in the form of a trusted friend or professional coach. Don’t be afraid to reach out to get guidance. Get the help you need. Remember, you’re worth it and an investment in yourself is never a bad investment.
How well do you know yourself? How well do you manage yourself in public situations? How well do manage disappointments? Could your self parenting use a little enhancement? It’s not always easy to live with yourself, but remember that you have a lot to offer yourself!
Spend some time each day being good to yourself. Have some fun and spend some time on your personal development. Strengthen the most important relationship of all – the one with yourSelf.